Friday Night Lights Motivator to Anxiety Riddelled PLWALS





Thank you, everyone, for their love and support since my recognition last Friday. I was truly honored to be back at BUHS. I saw a team of young boys look adversity in the eye and come out as a group of men. Good luck, Bucs. Beat PB.

On a personal level, last week's festivities, and the weeks prior, came at a cost. Unfortunately, this is NOT easy to share, but this is what living with #ALS entails. I had a painful #trach change the day before the game. The surgeon had to try three times to get my trach in place. Due to granulations, the surgeon had to use all of her weight to get it placed. (Subconsciously I was saying every expletive known to mankind) I accidentally peed in my chair later that evening. Friday morning, Gameday, I had another accident, and I could not get up quickly enough to the bathroom.

Feeling discouraged, I gathered myself just in time to leave for the game. The game was superb. I loved every minute of the night.

Saturday morning, the Polings, headed to Mt. Storm Lake for Labor Day weekend. I had a great evening, until I was getting laid in bed, that was my tipping point. I was restless all night. I woke up tired and ready to get home to my comfort zone. I spent the next two days in bed recovering. You see, with ALS, when I get tired, sleep does not solve it. I need my routine and the amenities of home to make a full recovery.

Unfortunately, the culmination of a busy weekend for the past six weeks caught up to me. During that time, we traveled to Mt. Storm twice, a Rodeo, my camp twice, a circus, and a trip to BUHS for a football game.

The gravity of my attempt at a regular person schedule sent my ALS body in a tailspin. Tuesday evening. I had a migraine. I felt flushed, and I was struggling to breathe through congested lungs. Erika helped put my trembling body in bed. The moment my head touched my pillow, my throat began to tighten, and my chest felt like I was under a bus. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…. A full-blown panic attack ensued. Full body convulsions, coughing, biting my tongue, jaws locked on the said tongue, tears in my eyes, slobber everywhere.

Unimaginable, right?

The devil wasn’t finished with me yet. 

The usual (POA) plan of attack to combat this evil is as follows:


  • Cough assist non-stop.
  • Suction.
  • Anxiety medication.
  • Take the covers off.
  • Turn on the fan.
  • Turn the fan off.
  • Put covers on.
  • Repeat until the attack subsides.



This panic attack was due to the culmination of my busy schedule and the daily stress of living with ALS. The typical attack turned into humiliation, as I lost control of my bowels. I thought, well shit the bed, that went South. I am still coughing and shaking like a leaf in a full-body sweat. Now, I have to pee, but I cannot relax. My wife, Erika, attempted to start trying to clean me up. The evil had one last trick up its sleeve. Due to my position in my bed and being frantic, I started to puke. As you might think, puking with a tracheostomy is very bad.

The risk of aspiration pneumonia is high. Just for reference, everything mentioned above took 10 minutes. The entire panic attack lasted for 2 hours. The attack took so much out of me that I fell asleep immediately after Erika cleaned me off. I slept from 8 pm until 5 am. I took it 3 hours later that morning. That was a rough night since ALS is so relentless.

I have to physically and mentally fight ALS, but so do my wife and children. My panic attack happened during dinner. Poor Erika was just as tired as me from her grueling schedule. So, she was trying to get me through a panic attack, clean up dinner, and field the endless wants of 3 & 4-year-old boys. My astonishment at her ability to multi-task continually exceeds my expectations. My heart aches for a 33-year-old mother of two, who works full time, and has to deal with everything single-handedly.

I am so sorry, Erika. I love you, and I appreciate everything you sacrifice for our family. ALS, you f÷=$ing suck. Anxiety, you are a coward who preys upon the weak and vulnerable. Well, I have news for you, ALS and anxiety has not faced an opponent as bullheaded as my wife and I. #ALS #anxiety #stronger together #love

 

 


 


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